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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
What word is always spelt incorrectly? Incorrectly.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
Why did the man jump from the empire state building? Because he wanted to make a hit on Broadway.
What do you call a snowman who likes to sunbath? a puddle.
A woman in a restaurant says: "Waiter, there's a small caterpillar in my salad!" The waiter replies: "Sorry madam, would you like a bigger one?
When dad came home, he was amazed to see his son sitting on a horse writing something. "What are you doing up there?" he asked. "Well, the teacher said we have to write an essay on our favorite animal." Replied the boy.
What happened to the man who listened closely to the match? He burned his ear.
What are the best steps to take when you meet an angry monster? Very long ones.
After a number of attacks on hikers and campers in Alaska, the Department of Fish and Game released the following advisory: We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between Black Bear and Grizzly Bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
if you have a funny joke that you think should be on my site and if you are a member of the forums, all you have to do is pm the picture to samemo (me) and I will most likely add it. Pleases do not just join the forums to submit a joke, you must have at least 5 non-spam posts, Nothing rude! NO: swearing, offensive/racist content, or any thing rude! If you try to send me a joke that is against the rules you will receive a warning in the forums, you will never be aloud to send in any jokes again (no matter what they are) and obviously the joke will not be added, thank you.
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